Don't be Nervous

cTalking is probably as important as mastering the complex dance of The Electric Slide. Not to discredit the complexity of dance machine but it can only take you so far. Dancing is cool, but if you dance too much girls might think you're a robot. After you have successfully dazzled the girl with graceful dance, the real task is at hand: Conversation.

Talking to girls is hard. Don't be nervous. Never be nervous. You become nervous and the girl will smell your nervousness and all your work on the dance floor will be abandoned just like the Charleston. Don't do the Charleston. It fails. If you do become nervous, take a deep breath and smile. A smile is a reassuring gesture that you are sincere and true. Girls like smiles, unless your teeth are yellow and then they may not like your smile. Also, if your teeth are sharp looking, you may want to not smile. Sharp things are like horns. And Horns, well, we know what horns do. Start grinding your teeth if they're sharp, it's good for them anyways.

If you haven't already, give her a card. You should have one ready for just about every occasion. Picking the right card is important; if you accidentally bring "Get Well Soon" your chances are very slim. Unless she laughs. Making a girl laugh is cool; make sure to do that every now and again. But not too much, she may hurt herself laughing and start to cry. This is failure.

In order to make this girl think your cool, you have to pull out most of the stops. Card with a smile, accented with bright orange crocs and armed with the hustle should impress her. But what if she doesn't think you're cool enough? Take it easy. I bet you want to ask her a question, don't do that. Questions are dangerous. They confuse people. Confusion makes people angry. Don't make people angry. Anger is scary. Start off by introducing yourself, by lifting your forearm up to form a 90 degree angle, slightly extend your arm forward holding your hand out open, but not too open. Say your name to her after a generic greeting, Hey-Yo, always does the trick. Hopefully she's given you her name, otherwise, just wing it.

Here are some good things to talk about in your first encounter, guaranteed to make you seem cool and interesting: current events, how cool the current place you're at is, the weather, your fondness for The Bee Gees, movies that are less that six months old and if you feel daring, how good looking she is. Be careful, compliments can be a double sided sword. Rule of thumb, don't compliment unless you know you'll be able to succeed. Otherwise, Hallmark can convey compliments for you.

Don't discuss anything satanic, for obvious reasons. Don't discuss anything that hasn't been approved. If she begins to talk about something that hasn't been discovered, agree with her. Girls like to talk, you should only provide affirmation. If you happen to let out an "Oh" and "Uh", you are deviating from the plans and she may inquire about your opinion. This is bad. Your opinion could sabotage everything. Agreeing and smiling are polite and soon enough you will have lots in common with the girl, enough for a first date and maybe a pants dance.

Remember, don't be nervous. If you become nervous and cannot recover, all your boogie nights are over. Don't be nervous.