Alcoholism is failure

When going out for drinks with your special lady friend, there are many important rules you must keep in mind. If you don’t you follow them, you fail. To fail is bad. Don’t fail.

What kind of drink may be the most important thing to keep in mind. A woman is looking for strength and masculinity in a man. Ordering a drink that has a fruit in the name is a no no. Fruit drinks make you seem like you can’t take real alcohol. Only real men can take real alcohol. Not looking like a real man is failure. Instead, look to real manly alcohols, like Wild Turkey and Old Granddad. Do not order it straight up, as only alcoholics order it straight up. Do not be an alcoholics. Women don’t like alcoholics. Instead, order it with water or soda.

When ordering beer, only ask what’s on tap if A) You can’t see the bar or B) there is no beer menu. If you ask what’s on tap when there is a beer menu, the woman will think you don’t pay attention. Women are all about details like anniversaries and birthdays. Not paying attention to details is ot fail. Don’t fail.

You may, however, ask if there are any specialty beers or new arrivals. Doing this makes you look hip and smart, and ladies like the smart hip men. It also shows you have taste. Men with sophisticated taste generally stay away from Budweiser and other generic beers. Ladies do not like generic men. Don’t be generic. Generic is bad. Hip is good.

Do not voluntarily order and buy a woman a drink at a bar. This makes you look desperate. She will think you are trying to get her drunk. This is not good. Instead, let her order her drinks and just pay fort he tab. Paying the bill is gentlemanly. This is good. Women like good.

Good luck, and do not fail.

Stay away from Stryper

Sometimes being the nice guy doesn't work because you and the girl may be so compatible with your love of salad and crocs that you can only be friends. Sometimes while girls are afraid by horns and the things they may cause, they are interested and aroused. Use this to your advantage, slightly.

Whatever you do, don't wear any satanic. Pentagrams and junk will be too scary to cause even the slightest amount of arousal. Unless the woman is the devil is disguise, in which case, she's got horns. When your horns collide, you will be under her devil spell and you will burn in hell for failure. Do not fail.

Hint that you know a guy who wears satanic stuff and listens to heavy metal (like Stryper.) For best effects have this guy standing in the shadows, smoking and brooding. At first she'll be aroused by the thought you have a friend, an evil friend. But then when she gets a look at him and his long Lucifer hair, she will be forced into fear and all you have to do is promise to protect her. Girls like protection because their frail bodies can't keep them safe from evil guys with spikes and stuff. Don't ever wear anything with spikes or from Hot Topic, girls don't like that stuff, it's scary.

Once satisfying her need to be protected, you can start talking about how you saved her and how she appreciated it.